Did You Hear a Thing I Said?

I’ve had a few experiences this month that got me thinking about listening. Do we really listen or are we just waiting (patiently or impatiently) for our turn to speak? I want to really listen – truly listen – more than I do.

Some people are very good at speaking, telling their stories and being able to motivate and amuse others. But being a good listener is often more important than speaking.

I have friends who are great listeners. When I’m in a conversation with them it’s two-sided. I know I am being listened to and they know they are getting my full attention. It’s so impactful that I remember specific conversations when I was truly being listened to and in return, I was listening with my head, heart, and soul. Recently I had two conversations about a working vacation I took. Both of my sweet friends let me tell about it — just let me talk away — they were interested and happy for the learning experience I had, asked questions, and made meaningful replies. In the end, I was kind of embarrassed to have rambled on so long. I thanked them for truly listening to me.  I hope I do the same.

I also have friends … well, who are not good listeners. I know at times they just need to talk and get it all out. But more often than not I come home feeling lonely, exhausted, and discouraged. I don’t want to be that kind of friend.  I’m working on my listening skills. So the next time you and I have a conversation give me a verbal or nonverbal cue if I’m not 100% listening. Ok?  Like my mom used to say:  Did you hear a thing I said?

In my quest to become a better listener I started collecting quotes about listening.  Here they are:

1. Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening. -Jeanette Winterson
2. One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. -Bryant H McGill
3. If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk. -Robert Baden-Powell
4. Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. -Karl A Menniger
5. Sometimes when you vent, you don’t need advice or someone’s opinion. You just want to tell somebody, you just want someone to actually listen. -Unknown
6. You don’t know how to love if you don’t know how to listen. -Unknown
7. No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen. -Proverbs
8. Sometimes people just need someone to listen. No advice. No words. Just a shoulder. An ear.
9. LISTEN and SILENT are spelled with the same letters.
10. I will listen to you especially when we disagree. -Barack Obama
11. People don’t really listen. They just wait for their turn to talk. -Chuck Palahnuik
12. There is as much wisdom in listening as there is in speaking–and that goes for all relationships, not just romantic ones. -Daniel Dae Kim
13. The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. Peter Drucker
14. Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking. -Bernard Baruch
15. Listening is being able to be changed by the other person. -Alan Alda
16. We have two ears but one mouth so that we may listen twice as much as we speak. -Albert Einstein
17. Speak in such a way that others like to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to talk to you. -Unknown
18. Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk. -Doug Larson
19. Everything in writing begins with language. Language begins with listening. -Jeanette Winterson
20. Listen with your eyes for feelings. – Stephen R Covey
21. When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. -Ernest Hemingway
22. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. -Stephen R Covey
23. Friends are those rare people who ask how we are, and then wait to hear the answer. -Ed Cunningham
24. The art of conversation lies in listening. -Malcom Forbes
25. You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time. -M Scott Peck
26. Most people can hear. Few can listen.
27. When I say nothing that means you should have listened to the first time.- Chuck Palahnuik
28. When you talk you are only repeating something that you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. -Dalai Lama
29. Did you hear a thing I said? -My mom
30. Listen beyond hearing.
31. Listening if often the only thing needed to help someone.
32. There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your turn to talk. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
33. To listen well, you may need to restrain yourself from disagreeing or giving advice or talking about your own experience. Temporarily at least, listening is a one-sided relationship. -Michael Nichols